Obama Won't Shorten His Name

Jerry Johnson is a die-hard Alabama football fan. His family has owned a set of season tickets since way back when Bear Bryant stalked the Tuscaloosa sidelines in his fedora. Jerry would do anything to help his Crimson Tide win a national championship, and recently, he had a pretty good idea how to do it. He wrote a letter to Barack Obama, and asked him to shorten his last name to 'Bama. His reasoning: having a President with the same last name as Alabama's nick name would do wonders for recruiting.

"Plus," he said, "it would make it a hell of a lot easier for people to say the guy's name. One fella I spoke with thought his first name was ‘Baracko,’ and a lot of people just thought the ‘O’ part was his middle name. Like ‘Barack O. Bama.’ That last one made the most sense to me, and it gave me the idea -- Roll Tide! So I wrote him and made the suggestion."

As it turns out, Obama replied to Jerry's letter with a personalized note, in his own handwriting, and on his fancy Senate letterhead. It read: "Funny Idea, Jerry, but I'll leave my name the way it is. Thanks for your support." That's it. In a phone call with Obamadamus, Jerry responded, "There's nothing funny about Alabama football. And if a man can't recognize a good idea when it comes along, I can't trust him as President."


We agree, Jerry. If Obama won't change his funny last name, especially when there are 29 electoral votes and a national title at stake, then it's just another sign that he's a Muslim sleeper agent bent on destroying our country from the inside-out. ROLL TIDE!