Obama's Bald-Headed Truth

Justin Joe King has been running “The Hat Shop” off a busy exit on I-95 in South Carolina for 23 years. The 20,000 square foot store is the largest hat shop along the busy Eastern throughway. While it sells gas, vinegary Carolina barbeque, and other truck-stop treats, the store devotes most of its space to head wear.

“I even get kids who drive down from New York for new ‘lids’ as they like to call them—quirky stuff to kick off the school year,” King explained. “And with the dollar in the toilet right now, we’re getting a lot more foreign customers who are buying dozens of hats to bring back to Lithuania or wherever they’re from.”

For any hat enthusiast, The Hat Shop is quite a mecca, selling the usual suspects—foam-and-mesh trucker hats, sports team caps, logo wear—as well as more diverse head wear, like knit hats, fleece tops, uniform hats, novelty wigs, and so on.

“My family has been in the hat business for four generations,” King said. “My great grandpa started it all turning beavers into fur hats back in the day. I know hats. Hats are in my blood.” During the ubiquitous press coverage of last week’s Democratic Primary, King had a startling revelation. “I’ve never seen that Obama fella wearing a hat. Never.”

King put word out in the hat-wearing community to test his startling realization: had anyone seen Barak Obama wearing a hat? Ever? “None of them had. That got me worried.” In America, King explained, everyone owns—and wears—at least a few hats, and he can tell a lot about someone from the hat he or she chooses to wear. “My great grandpa used to say, ‘Maybe it’s the mercury talking, but I think hats are a telescope to the soul.’ So here’s a guy who never wears hats. I just gotta wonder: what about his soul is he trying to hide?”


Obamadamus knows the dark truth Obama is trying to hide. No hat, however big or beautiful, can keep a lid on the truth: that Obama is a Muslim sleeper agent bent on destroying America from the inside out. Obamadamus is asking all our readers to celebrate the truth tomorrow—and celebrate freedom—by wearing their favorite hat. We’re dusting off our tri-cornered colonial for the occasion….